“Stepping into my power now, this is my moment, this is my year” are the lyrics to one of my favorite songs right now, by Millionaire Muses. That’s really how it feels!

In 2016 I was on my way to breaking through as a spiritual guide and performer. Later that year, as some of you know, I had a psychosis. It ended with me being admitted to St. Göran’s Hospital in Stockholm, where I was heavily medicated.

I was discharged and told to stop taking the medication. It culminated in another psychosis in 2017, and another hospitalization, this time in Vienna where I had lived for 14 years.

My psychoses were, on the whole, absolutely wonderful, so exciting! One of them lasted for three months and it was like being in a mega-spiritual adventure stage, which you can read more about here. But it was 24/7, so I couldn’t manage my life. And healing from it took a long time and was a heavy burden on my family and close friends, who helped me so much, I am beyond grateful!

In shamanism (I’ve been an initiated shamana since 2022), a psychosis is seen as a sacred initiation. It is a portal that you go through that leads to a catharsis, which is true for me. I would absolutely not want to live without these enormously enlightening experiences!

I spent 2018 on sick leave while moving back to Stockholm and my wonderful one-room apartment at Mariatorget. I gained 30 kilos due to the medications, which over time became almost 60 kilos! A shock… Which at first was a great sadness, but I have now integrated it, and even enjoy my overweight sometimes.

The reason why there was so much weight gain was that I tried several times to stop taking the medication, which each time led to manic episodes, although not psychoses. I was hospitalized a couple of times, went up and down in weight… Finally, I accepted medication as part of my life.

Now I get an injection once every two months with a relatively low dose of medication with few side effects for me. The fun part is also that I’m loosing weight on this medication, and I have a health coach in who is absolutely fantastic! The icing on the cake was the trauma therapy (EMDR) that I went through this Winter. Such a liberating experience.

In spite of everything I built up my business during the last few years and learned everything! All these hats that you have to wear, everything from graphic designer to accounting consultant. But now it is starting to flow, and when I look at my presence on the internet I am very happy! I have designed most of it myself and feel proud every time I see it.

Writing my newsletter also lead to connecting with the wonderful Linda Kentaur Nordfors and PUNKS, who I now work for part-time (through my own company) as a Communications Specialist. The whole thing focuses on Passion Driven Economy, which is exactly as exiting as it sounds. I really recommend to check it out!

I have danced all my life, but during some of the years when the medication was up and down I almost stopped dancing… Now I dance daily again! Below here in the sun in my patio door opening that leads out to a wonderful courtyard. I posted a reel with this dance moment with the title “this is what satisfaction looks like”. And I am truly content now, maybe not 24/7 (life…), but experiencing such strong moments of presence and happiness every day.

“Stepping into my power today, watch me shine, watch me slay” the song continues. You can write that down, here is someone who has stepped into their power! 2026 is my year!